Ask the Barker
Most Asked at the Booth
The questions people ask the barker most, answered plainly.
What is The Midway Machine?
A carnival booth on the internet with a machine inside. You feed it your name and birthday, and it prints a two-sided personality card worked out from your sun sign, your numbers, your Chinese zodiac animal and the sky the night you arrived. It's made for fun, for the fridge, or for a birthday card.
What do I get for $9.95?
A two-sided card, 3 × 10 inches, as a PDF by email. The front is who you are; the back is the night you arrived. It's sized to print on letter or A4 paper and trim, or you can keep the PDF on your phone.
What do I need to enter?
Your name (as you'd like it printed, up to 40 characters) and your birthday. Your birth time and birthplace are optional; they make the moon details sharper. You also give the email the card should go to.
How long does it take?
Usually a few minutes. Orders line up and build in turn, and your order page shows where yours is: in the queue, decoding, or sent to your inbox. If the machine's checker isn't happy with a card, a person checks it by hand and it reaches you within 24 hours.
Does the machine predict the future?
No. The card is for entertainment and self-reflection. Astrology and numerology are traditions, not science. The Machine's Forecast gives themes and moods, such as a lucky colour or the kind of season ahead, but never outcomes. There are no health predictions, no lottery or gambling numbers, and no promises about money or love.
How is it calculated?
Your sun sign comes from the Sun's real position on your birth date, worked out with an open-source astronomy library. Your life path and name numbers use Pythagorean numerology. Your Chinese zodiac animal is counted from the real Lunar New Year date, not January 1. The same details always give the same card.
Is my card written by AI?
Every line on your card comes from the machine's own library, written and checked before any card is printed. Software works out your signs and numbers, then picks and arranges the lines that fit you. No chatbot writes your card on the fly.
My birthday is on the edge of two signs. Which one am I?
The Sun changes sign at an exact minute, not at midnight. If you don't give a birth time and the Sun changed sign anywhere on Earth during your birthday, the machine says you're on the cusp and names both signs instead of guessing. Add your birth time and it can settle it.
Why is my Chinese zodiac animal different from what I thought?
The Chinese zodiac year starts at Lunar New Year, which falls between January 21 and February 20. If you were born in January or February before that year's new year, your animal is the one from the year before.
Can I give it as a gift?
Yes. Buy a gift ticket with your name, their name and an optional message. You get a printable carnival ticket with a single-use code and a QR code, and you can have it emailed to them on a date you choose. They redeem it and enter their own birthday, so you don't need to know it.
I have a ticket or a code. Where do I use it?
On the redeem page. Enter the code with your own name, birthday and email. Each code works once and can expire.
How do I pay?
On Stripe's secure checkout page. Your card details never touch our site. Apple Pay and Google Pay work there too. The price is $9.95 (USD).
I paid and closed the tab. Will I still get my card?
Yes. Payment is confirmed directly by Stripe, not by the page you land on afterwards, so your card is built and emailed either way.
What happens to my birthday and other details?
They are used only to build your card. The details you typed in are deleted 90 days after delivery; the order record keeps only your signs, numbers and order status. Card PDFs are deleted from our storage after 30 days, so keep your copy. Nothing is sold or shared.
What if my card doesn't arrive, or something on it is wrong?
We fix it or refund it. Reply to your order email and say what went wrong.
Was there really a machine like this at Klondike Days?
Yes. In the late '80s and '90s, a booth machine at Klondike Days in Edmonton read a slip with your birth date, time and signature, flashed its lights, moved its gauges and printed a 3 × 10 inch personality card for about ten dollars. The Midway Machine picks up where it left off.
There are things about you that you don't know.
The more you feed the machine, the more it reveals.
Your personalized card prints in minutes. $9.95 · What do I get?
For entertainment and self-reflection. Astrology and numerology are traditions, not science.